hello mrmetal superfans (if any). it's blog time and with that, another mention of my current downward spiral. it's only been half a year and i feel like i reached the lowest point of my life like 3 different times. i've been talking to a therapist since march and while he says that i have made progress when it comes to dealing with my depression, i feel like lately i regressed on that said progress. a lot of stressful situations and stressful feelings once again have been piling up and i feel myself at the verge of another mental breakdown.
because of all this bs piling up again, i decided to take a bit of a break from posting art consistently. i'll be back one day of course, but i want to feel better first. i'm open about the fact that i have lived with depression for most of my life, but not really about the fact that it can get so bad sometimes i want to take my own life. how i sometimes feel so worthless that i would just rather to stop existing. it's a bad habit of mine to overthink or overreact and i don't want to keep dealing with those feelings. i know it's a heavy subject to bring up, hence why i try not to, but that's life baby!
it's not an easy situation but i promise i'll go back to semi consistent posting when i don't constantly feel like blowing my fucking brains out. i doubt anybody's actually reading this but if you are for some reason, thank you for reading. i know it isn't an easy thing to talk about, and i know this is very similar to the last life update but it's nice to see you care. and if you're worried that i'm actually gonna do it don't be. this isn't one of those posts and i feel like i am still somewhat in control enough to have that restraint.
a part of me feels like this blog is pointless, how it kinda reitterates a lot of the talking points i made last time but like 5% more depressing but i do feel like communicating my current mental health and putting it out there for posterity is important.
art means everything to me and i am still taking the necessary measures to be in a better headspace to once again enjoy what i love doing. next time i do one of these it won't be as depressing. hopefully.